We Are Nothing But Stardust and Thought

 I read something on the net this week that seemed to encapsulate what much of Buddhist thought points toward, and I’d like to share it.

It’s breathtaking to consider: each human being, and most animals, have two eyes, each composed of 130 million photoreceptor cells. In each one of those cells, there are 100 trillion atoms—that’s more than all the stars in the Milky Way Galaxy.

However, each atom in each cell in each eye formed in the core of a star, billions of years ago, and yet, here they are today, being utilized to capture the energy released from that same process. All to expand the consciousness of each person or animal.

The universe has an interesting sense of irony, in that you are the universe experiencing itself. All you are is stardust and thought.

How To Stop The Violence

When a person thinks of himself as gay or straight, Christian or Muslim, American or European, Republican or Democrat, or anything else, they separate themselves from the whole of mankind to identify with a subset of humanity. This simple act causes most of the violence in the world. It is a violent act.

Defining yourself by belief, nationality, sexuality, or race breeds violence because it creates divisions between humans, and those divisions will eventually cause strife, and often leads to discrimination, bullying, bloodshed, even war.

So a man or woman seeking to end violence in the world, would do well to start by abandoning all the labels that would demand loyalty to any country, political party, religion, sexual orientation, race, and simply concentrate on understanding and being a part of the whole of mankind. For that matter, don’t stop at just mankind, see yourself as part of this living eco system we call earth.

When every person on the planet sees himself or herself this way, then there will be an end to violence. Don’t wait for everyone else. Join the peace movement now.

Imagine there's no countries

It isn't hard to do

Nothing to kill or die for

And no religion too

Imagine all the people

Living life in peace...

You may say I'm a dreamer

But I'm not the only one

I hope someday you'll join us

And the world will be as one

-John Lennon

Happy Veterans Day

These are a few shots of me, forty years ago.

What Are My Triggers?

This past weekend was Pride Weekend in Palm Springs. Our dear friends, Don and Jeff, drove into town to share the fun, of which there was plenty to be had by all. Lots of parties, tons of good eating, live music at the street fair on Saturday night, Pride parade on Sunday, brunch after the parade at our favorite eatery. We had a ball.

Yet on Saturday night, for the second time in the last three weeks, I over indulged in drinking alcohol. As usual, I had planned to have only one glass of wine with dinner. But with all the festivities, one glass led to two. Then back at home, Don pulled out a bottle of wonderful tasting, quality gin. I had a taste. It was so good I a shot, and then two, and a third. I didn’t get sloppy drunk, but I did have trouble sleeping and I had a hangover all the next day.

I am a recovering alcoholic, and the last thing I want to do is get back into the habit of drinking regularly. These last few years I’ve been good at holding myself to social drinking, and for me that means a glass of wine at a party or dinner, and I occasionally slip and have a second glass. My problem is, if I do that too often, then I fall off the wagon like I did Saturday night, and end up paying for it.

So I’ve been thinking this morning how to get back on track for good. I’ve been wondering what triggers I have that lead me astray.

1) Spending lots of time with people who drink heavily, and try to goad me into joining them.

2) Thinking I can hold myself to one wine.

3) Thinking I need a drink, to fit in, when I’m in a crowd of drinkers.

Number one is hard to avoid in Palm Springs. Social drinking is what most people do here, at lease nearly all the people I know. Still, I find I have more success with not drinking when I limit my exposer to these friends to just a few hours at a time, a brunch or dinner, or only spending a few hours at a party. Disaster strikes when I end up spending several hours at a party where everyone is drinking heavily.

Number two is often manageable, yet after having one wine or beer, I always have a strong craving for a second. And if I indulge that craving, then the flood gates open to more craving, because two wines take away my willpower to say no to more. I do enjoy having a single glass of good wine, but it creates a dangerous slippery slope.

Number three is mental, and I need to somehow readjust my thinking. I can’t control what others do, and I know many people who can drink all night and never get drunk. I can’t do that. I know all too well I can’t do that. A few stiff drinks and I’m three sheets to the wind. I have to accept that for self preservation, I need to be the one guy in the room drinking sparkling water.

So, for the time being, I plan to avoid triggers. I’m off all alcohol, even the single glass of wine. If that means staying away from parties, so be it. My health is more important to me than being social.

Happiness

Are you happy? I mean genuinely happy on a consistent basis. Do you whistle or sing when you walk down the street? Do you enjoy interacting with your fellow workers? Do you wake up excited to face the day?
If not, when will you be happy?

 Many people tell themselves, "I’ll be happy when...

• My health improves
• My relationship improves
• The economy improves
• I get a new this or that
• I get my career on track
• I move to a better location
• I get a raise
• I lose 30 pounds
• I retire

Many people seem to have a list, which ends up being a wall between them and happiness. The truth is that none of these things will make you happy. They can certainly put you in a better position to find happiness, but happiness is a feeling that comes from the experiences in life and our attitude about them. Happiness comes from within, and has little to do with all those things happening outside of you. The old saying is that happiness is a state of mind, and that saying has been around a long time simply because it’s true. Sometimes we feel content, sometimes not, but happiness is around you every day — it’s just that sometimes we have to look closer for it. It won’t come from the things you seek, but rather from the attitude you have about this journey called life.

Happiness is up to you, here and now. You can choose to wait for better days, or you can decide to look for the joy, the opportunities, the smiles, and the good in every day. You get to choose.

Writing Tip: Unveil a Character’s True Nature

In your story, if you introduce a main character who is a caring lover, and by the end of the story s/he is still what s/he appeared to be, a caring lover with no secrets, no hidden passions, no dashed dreams, then your reader will be sorely disappointed, or at least bored. 

By the same thinking, if your main character’s inner life matches his/her outer life, that is, everything about him/her shows up front, then his/her character becomes repetitious and predictable, hence tedious. 

The revelation of a character’s inner character in contrast or contradiction to his/her outer characterization is fundamental to all fine storytelling. With interesting characters, what seems is not what is. People are seldom what they appear to be, and a character’s hidden nature waits behind a façade of traits, good or bad, for the right moment to reveal itself. 

Whatever they say and however they compose themselves, interesting characters will reveal their true nature only when placed in a pressure situation. Pressure is key. 

Underneath a character’s appearances, are they loving or cruel, strong or weak, generous or selfish, courageous or cowardly? The only way to know is what choices that character makes under pressure. For instance, if a character tells the truth in a situation where telling a lie would gain nothing, it reveals little about his/her inner nature. Yet, if this same character insists on telling the truth when only a lie would save his/her life, then we see his/her true nature. 

That’s why a story should have escalating levels of pressure situations going from low to high to extreme. As the pressure builds and builds, your characters should reveal more and more of their inner-selves until the reader knows them body and soul. 

Taking this principle a step further, the best writing not only unveils inner nature, but arcs or changes that inner nature, for better or worse, over the course of the tale.

A Friend Passed, A Friendship Lost

One of the first published authors I met after signing the publishing contract on my first novel was Roger Margason, who always went by Dorien Grey (his author pseudonym). He and I were the only gay writers at Zumaya Publishing back in 2008. He quickly became a friend, a mentor, and an inspiration. He introduced me to a community of gay writers and writers who wrote gay fiction. I found out yesterday that Roger passed while in hospital after complications during a routine procedure.

His health was suffering, but nonetheless his death was unexpected. Tragic. Deeply sad. The sudden end of a story too interesting to put down.

He was a man who wrote beautiful prose, who hated technology of any kind, and who loved people. I never once heard him utter a negative word about other people, although he often complained bitterly about himself.

I never had the opportunity to meet Roger in person; for years I didn’t even know his real name, and always called him Dorien. Our only interaction was online. He was a cordial, generous, and encouraging presence, and he will be deeply missed.

RIP, Roger, and thank you for your many gifts to all of us writers and readers.